How to give feedback that actually works

Feedback shouldn’t feel like a trip to the principal’s office. It’s meant to be the fuel for growth, but in today's workplace, it often feels more like a fire extinguisher. We avoid it because we don’t want to be 'too blunt' or 'too soft,' and we end up saying nothing at all until things reach a breaking point. This silence doesn't protect our relationships; it actually erodes the trust we’re trying so hard to keep.

The problem isn't that feedback is inherently bad. The problem is that we usually treat it as a one-size-fits-all transaction. We use the same 'sandwich method' or corporate scripts on everyone, regardless of how their brain is wired. When you give the same direct, data-heavy critique to a sensitive Helper that you would to a logical Evaluator, you aren't just giving feedback – you're creating a disconnect. We need to stop fixing people and start understanding them.

Why your feedback is being ignored

If you feel like your feedback goes in one ear and out the other, it’s probably because you aren’t speaking the other person's language. We often give feedback the way we would want to receive it. An Auditor might focus purely on the technical details and accuracy, thinking they are being helpful. But if they are talking to a Pioneer, that Pioneer is going to feel suffocated by the minutiae and completely miss the point of the conversation.

Research from Compono shows that high-performing teams thrive on eight key work activities, but those activities are performed differently by different personalities. When feedback doesn't account for these natural work preferences, it creates defensiveness. You might think you're helping someone improve their 'attention to detail,' but they might hear 'you are moving too slow.' This is where the friction starts.

At Hey Compono, we’ve found that the most effective feedback is personality-adaptive. It’s about recognising that a Campaigner needs to see the big-picture vision of why the change matters, while a Doer just wants the practical steps to get it done. When you adapt your delivery, the other person feels seen rather than judged. You can learn more about these styles on our work personality summary page.

The hidden cost of the feedback sandwich

We’ve all heard of the 'feedback sandwich' – start with a compliment, drop the criticism, and end with another compliment. It sounds nice in theory, but in practice, it’s often confusing and dishonest. Most people can see the 'meat' of the sandwich coming from a mile away. It makes the praise feel fake and the criticism feel buried. It’s a defensive move by the giver to avoid discomfort, but it rarely helps the receiver grow.

Instead of hiding the truth, we need to lean into emotional authenticity. Being direct doesn't have to mean being mean. It means being clear. If you’re an Evaluator, your natural tendency might be to weigh up options and be objective, which is great for clarity. However, without a bit of empathy, that clarity can feel like a blunt instrument. On the flip side, if you’re a Helper, you might over-index on harmony and never actually get to the point.

The goal is to move away from scripts and toward real conversations. This starts with self-awareness. You have to know your own 'feedback flavour' before you can adjust it for someone else. Are you the type who focuses on the plan like a Coordinator, or are you looking for the risk like an Auditor? Recognising your own lens helps you see where you might be clashing with others.

How to tailor feedback to different personalities

To give feedback that actually sticks, you need to understand the 'why' behind the behaviour you’re seeing. If a Pioneer is 'all over the place,' it’s because their brain is wired for innovation and new possibilities. Telling them to 'just focus' is like telling a fish to climb a tree. Effective feedback for a Pioneer involves acknowledging their creative energy while helping them see how follow-through actually enables their next big idea.

Contrast that with an Auditor. If you tell an Auditor they are 'moving too slow,' you’re attacking their superpower of precision and accuracy. They aren't trying to delay the project; they are trying to save you from a disaster you haven't seen yet. Feedback for them needs to be grounded in facts and data, showing them that the 'good enough' version is actually the safest path for the team right now.

This is where a tool like Hey Compono becomes your secret weapon. Because Hey Compono understands your specific work personality, it can help you rehearse these difficult conversations. It acts as a personality-adaptive coach that can roleplay a scenario with you, helping you find the words that will actually resonate with your specific teammate's brain. You can see how this works at Hey Compono.

Building a culture where feedback is fuel

A healthy team culture isn't one where there is no conflict; it’s one where conflict is handled with emotional intelligence. When feedback becomes a regular, low-stakes part of your day-to-day behaviour, the fear associated with it starts to disappear. It stops being a 'performance review' and starts being a collaborative effort to do better work together. We need to move from 'fixing' to 'supporting.'

This requires vulnerability from leaders. If you want your team to be open to feedback, you have to be open to it too. Ask your team: 'How am I making your job harder?' or 'What do you need from me that you aren't getting?' When a Coordinator hears that their need for structure is being perceived as 'too rigid,' it opens a door for them to explain that they are just trying to create a plan everyone can depend on.

The magic happens when the team understands that everyone has a dominant work preference. We aren't trying to change who people are – we’re trying to manage our 'light' so it doesn't blind others. Hey Compono helps you navigate these team dynamics by providing on-demand coaching that remembers your previous challenges and helps you track your growth as a communicator over time.

Key takeaways for better feedback

• Stop using the feedback sandwich; it erodes trust and creates confusion.
• Speak their language by tailoring your delivery to their work personality.
• Lead with vulnerability and recognition before jumping into solutions.
• Focus on the behaviour and its impact, not the person’s character.
• Use feedback as a tool for growth and support, not a way to 'fix' people.
• Recognise your own natural blind spots as a feedback giver.

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• See how it works: Learn about personality-adaptive coaching

Frequently asked questions about feedback

What is the most effective way to give feedback?

The most effective way is to use a personality-adaptive approach. Instead of a generic script, tailor your message to the recipient's work style. For example, give an Evaluator logical data and give a Campaigner the big-picture vision. This reduces defensiveness and ensures the message is actually heard.

Why do people get defensive when receiving feedback?

Defensiveness usually happens when feedback feels like a character attack rather than a critique of work. When we hear we are 'too much' of something, our brains perceive it as a threat. Framing feedback around personality preferences helps people understand that it's about managing their natural traits, not fixing a flaw.

How can I give feedback to someone who is more senior than me?

Focus on the impact their behaviour has on your ability to do your work. Use 'I' statements and lead with vulnerability. For example, 'I find it hard to stay focused on my tasks when the plan changes frequently; could we look at more structure?' This is less about their leadership and more about your workflow.

Is the feedback sandwich a good technique?

Generally, no. In the modern workplace, the feedback sandwich is seen as insincere. It can lead to 'praise blindness' where the recipient ignores the positive comments because they are waiting for the 'but.' It’s better to be clear, direct, and kind from the start of the conversation.

How often should teams give each other feedback?

Feedback should be a continuous loop, not a once-a-year event. Small, frequent micro-adjustments are much more effective for behaviour change than big, heavy conversations. Aim for a culture where 'check-ins' are the norm and everyone feels safe to speak up in the moment.